My Half Love-Story

Childhood friends and innocent mischiefs, one can rarely forget the school days. And if something unusual or new happens, it is next to impossible to erase the memory of it.

One such unforgettable happened with me as well. It was the year 2005 when I was in the 5th grade. A shy kid who’s afraid of talking to people other than his friends, suddenly notices a girl dancing on a song. It was the dance practice for the upcoming annual function of our school. There were few more girls but this kid couldn’t resist his eyes watching that girl.

Strangely, sometimes uncertain events occur in front of us and most of the time it goes unnoticed. I am talking about the guy who seemed to be her best friend. He was the most genius kid in our school.

Years and years kept on passing but I kept on thinking about that girl. Whenever I try to think something, I would think about her only. This continued for a long three years.

Now we (I, that girl and that guy) were in the 8th grade. Till now I became smart enough to understand what that feeling was all about. At this time, I was afraid enough to talk to her. I don’t know why but I used to think that they both (that girl and that guy) are too friendly and something is there between them. This though made me hide my feelings for her (unfortunately, I already didn’t have guts to even say hi to her.

After some years, all of us were in college (coincidentally the same college). By now I was sure that whatever I used to think about them (him and her) was baseless and mere assumptions which were made out of my inability to talk to her.

Usually, we convince ourselves for the things in which we are not so good or we fail to do. In the same way, I kept on convincing myself that I could never get her.

They were just friends in the school days. In fact in college, both of them chose different subjects.

I was unaware of this all until one day when I luckily saw her outside the principal office. Maybe she was going for her lecture with a girl (probably her friend). I can’t explain my situation and what I felt at that time when out of nowhere, suddenly I saw a girl whom I had a crush over 8 years.

No other kid was as shy as I was at my school. I never spoke to her (in fact, I couldn’t). This could be the reason that when she went through the stairs and my eyes became shinier and wide, she didn’t recognize me.

One day after our graduation, I somehow managed to get her number. By this time, the most silent and innocent kid of the school had become an extrovert. I arranged some courage and called her. This was the first time in the 13 years when I was going to speak to her. As soon as she picked up the call and said hello, I became numb for a few seconds then I started talking to her but unfortunately (or luckily) the signal was too bad hence we couldn’t hear each other properly. After losing so many chances till now, I was not ready to lose this one. So I decided to grab this golden opportunity and tell her my feelings which I have been hiding deep inside me for more than a decade. I continued this conversation on chat over the message.

I began by introducing my name to her as I was eager to know whether she has ever heard that name. She thought about it for a while then asked me how do I know her. I recorded whatever I wanted to let her know in the form of a voice message and sent it to her. I revealed that how do I know her and still remember her. Finally, I told her everything about these 13 years and even that she’s my first crush (or Love). I swear I wasn’t expecting that kind of reply which I received. After reading all my messages as well as going through my voice recording, she said that she completely respects my feelings and the very last message she sent was – “You have a good voice.”

My intention here wasn’t to expect anything from her or to impress her to make her mine. I just wanted to let the person know what I feel about her. Maybe she was my crush or maybe my love was eternal.

I don’t regret being a shy person overall my schooling years. As an optimist, I just think that maybe if I wouldn’t have been shy those years, I wouldn’t have got the chance to express my feelings so nicely. Being shy I could understand the value of confidence just like darkness keeps the value of brightness.